Category Archives: Sleep Woes

Fun times with late night anxiety

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Tonight my anxiety has decided to focus on fear of fires. I went to do some searching to remind myself that the likelihood really is quite low—and while that is true year by year (something like 100,000 fires in multifamily units across the US every year, with 43 million+ multifamily units nationwide), either I’m doing my math wrong or the stats for being in an apartment fire if you live in apartments for 60 years are not reassuring.

Of course, I’ve wildly simplified the math because it’s 3 in the morning, so that’s a large factor. Things like building age, maintenance, location, fireplaces, etc. all make huge differences in rates. And the single biggest risk factor is cooking, which neither I nor my neighbours are likely to be doing at this time of night. So, really, the chances are still incredibly low. Far higher odds of car accident, earthquake (not reassuring lol), or heat stroke. Biggest health risk at the moment is just not getting sleep due to anxiety. So, like, really not worth worrying about.

Yet here I am

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Why do the melancholy thoughts always come before bed.

It’s very annoying. I should be asleep, but instead I’m having an existential crisis.

Not that an existential crisis is helpful at any time, but at least during the day I can potentially do something about it. When I’m trying to fall asleep it’s just obnoxious.

Tiiiiiiiired

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No, but seriously, I desperately want a nap. I tried going up and down stairs a few times. I tried splashing cold water on my face. I tried sipping water and having a snack. Still fighting to keep my eyes opened.

I have been awake for barely 4 hours. I slept 7.5 last night. At reasonable times! I woke up feeling good!

Now all I want is to go back to bed. Ugh.

Debated lifting my blocks to play Sims, but I don’t actually want to play Sims. It’s just something that will keep me awake while requiring minimal thought or energy. May cave anyway, but I’d prefer it to be because I actually wanted to play the damned game.

Went on Instagram for largely the same reason. A comment I made a while back about a Hobonichi post is still picking up regular haters XD The parasocial relationships between individuals and the corporate social media accounts they follow will never not be weird and fascinating to me. I can at least kind of understand with a celebrity because that’s an actual person, even if you don’t know them the way you think you do. A stationery brand, though? How do you forget that every single post on their feed is tailored specifically to encourage you to buy their product?

In this case it’s especially amusing/irritating because the post was intentionally creating a false dichotomy between “perfectly decorated” and “real”, when the video showed a planner that was just as aesthetically pleasing as the sticker and washi-covered layouts that they usually post. It was aesthetic chaos, but it was very much intentionally visually pleasing. They didn’t post someone’s boring work planner with illegible scrawl and crossed out scribbles, all in pencil or basic black ink on the straight lines of the grid paper. They posted nice handwriting at artistic angles in multiple colours. Because the reality is that no one wants to look at what the average planner actually looks like, and they get more engagement (and therefore more views/free advertising) if they post something they know people will argue over. If I hadn’t been sleep deprived at the time, I wouldn’t have played into it.